(a completely unserious blog about the things I care too much about)

There are a few things in life I feel very strongly about. Family. Good friends. Real butter.

And then there are the other things. The little, possibly irrational, completely unimportant things that I’ve somehow formed deeply rooted opinions about over the years. Things no one asked me to have an opinion on. Things that probably wouldn’t make a dent in anyone else’s day.

But for me? Oh, I care.

So in the spirit of keeping things light this week—and also because I needed a break from overthinking—here’s a roundup of the completely trivial things I care way too much about.

🚽 Toilet Paper: Over, Not Under

It’s not just a preference. It’s a principle. Over the roll like a waterfall, not under like a raccoon trap. If I’m at your house and I quietly flip it around, just know I still love you. But also… do better.

✍️ Pens: The Hill I Will Actually Die On

I have one favorite pen and if it disappears, I spiral. It’s black, gel, smooth like butter, and never skips. Blue ink? Too casual. Ballpoint? No thanks. Those pens at the bank that barely work? I’d rather scratch my grocery list into stone.

🚘 Use Your Turn Signal or Don’t Leave the House

It’s literally a lever. A flick of the wrist. A simple way to say “Hey, I’m not trying to cause a five-car pileup today.” I will never understand people who act like signaling their next move is an optional suggestion. It’s not. It’s civilization. And do it BEFORE you're halfway into your turn.

☕ Hot Drinks Should Be Hot. Period.

If I wanted to drink my tea at room temperature, I’d leave it in my car for two hours and come back disappointed. I’ve reheated the same mug three times in one morning, and I will continue to do so until it’s warm enough to comfort my soul.

🧻 Paper Towels: Select-a-Size or Nothing

Full-sheet paper towels are wasteful and chaotic. Select-a-size is the only acceptable option. Don’t make me tear a giant towel in half like some sort of uncivilized brute just to wipe up a single water drop. Extra points if they're Viva brand. Not sponsored by Viva. Probably should be.

🧴 Lotion Belongs in a Pump Bottle, Not a Tube

I will never not get irrationally annoyed at trying to squeeze lotion out of a floppy, half-empty tube. Pump bottles or bust. I don’t want to do hand-strengthening exercises just to moisturize.

🍕 Leftovers Taste Better Cold—But Only Certain Leftovers

Cold pizza? Yes. Cold meatloaf? Sure, if it's in a sandwich. But cold Chinese food? Absolutely not. Some things were never meant to chill, and I will not be taking questions.

📱 I Will Judge You By Your Texting Etiquette

One-word replies? Dry. No punctuation? Lazy. Giant wall-of-text messages without a single paragraph break? Unreadable. Don't even think about coming at me with no capitalization. There’s an art to the casual text convo and I take it seriously.

🍽️ Food Shouldn’t Touch—Except When It Absolutely Should

Thanksgiving dinner is the only time I accept gravy migration across borders. Any other time? Please keep my peas out of my mashed anything. I’m not trying to eat a stew of regret. We'll cover the order in which foods on a plate are to be eaten in a future blog

🛋️ Blankets Belong Folded a Certain Way

It’s not just a blanket—it’s part of the room. Don’t hand me a crumpled fleece blob. Fold it in thirds like you’ve got some pride.

🎶 Playlists Need a Flow, Not Just Chaos

You don’t follow up Simon & Garfunkel with aggressive techno. I’m not here for musical whiplash. We’re setting a mood, people.

🧦 Matching Socks Are a Non-Negotiable

I know some people live for the “quirky mismatched sock” thing. That’s not me. My toes want symmetry. My soul demands balance.

🧼 Bar Soap That Gets Mushy? Absolutely Not.

If it turns into a slimy blob, I’m tossing it. No one should have to chase a dissolving soap patty around the shower like it’s a fish.

🛒 Self-Checkout Should Come With a Diploma

If I wanted to scan, bag, and troubleshoot my own groceries while a red light blinks accusingly above me, I’d apply for a job. And no, I don't know the code for spaghetti squash. Don't even get me started on pumping my own gas.

🔔 Microwave Beeps Should Stop After One Alert

Why is it yelling at me like I’ve abandoned it? I know my leftovers are ready, microwave. I just got distracted. Again.

🧠 It’s Fine. I Know None of This Matters. But Still.

I know these things aren’t life-altering. They won’t change the world. But in a life that sometimes feels messy, unpredictable, or just plain exhausting, caring about the tiny stuff can actually feel kind of grounding.

So if you’ve got a strong opinion about sock folding, how people pronounce “pecan,” or what the best grocery cart is (the small one with the deep basket, obviously), just know—I see you.

And I’m probably nodding in agreement.

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