You ever notice how often we tell ourselves we should be doing something?
• I should be more productive.
• I should have my life more together by now.
• I should go to that thing I don’t actually want to go to.
• I should eat healthier, work out more, wake up earlier, meditate, journal, declutter my entire house, drink more water, and—oh yeah—fix my entire life while I’m at it.
Who decided all of this? And why do we just accept it without question?
Well, I'm switching it up. Every time I catch myself thinking I should do something, I pause and ask: Says who?
Seriously, who says I need to do this? Is this actually important to me, or is it just something I think I’m supposed to do because of some unwritten rule?
And let me tell you—this little question has made a big difference for me.
The Problem with ‘Shoulds’
Here’s the thing about “shoulding” on ourselves: it’s exhausting. It’s like carrying around a giant, invisible to-do list full of expectations we never even agreed to.
And half the time, these “shoulds” aren’t even our own.
They come from:
• Society – The belief that we should always be productive, hustling, and improving. (Because heaven forbid we actually rest, right?)
• Family – The unspoken rules about how we should behave, think, or live.
• Comparison – Seeing what someone else is doing and assuming we should be doing the same.
• Our own inner critic – That little voice convincing us we should be further along, better, stronger, more. That's Perfectionism speaking.
But when we step back and ask, Says who?, we start to see just how many of these expectations are actually total nonsense.
A Personal Reality Check
The other day, I caught myself thinking, I should be more productive today. And the guilt hit instantly—like I am somehow failing at life right now just because I am not crossing enough things off my list.
But then I stopped. Says who?
No one is standing over me with a clipboard, grading my day. No Productivity Police are going to bust down my door and fine me for sitting on the couch. The only person making me feel bad… is me.
And that realization? Both ridiculous and freeing.
So instead of forcing myself to get up and do something “useful,” I let myself just be. And you know what? The world didn’t end. My to-do list was still there later. But I actually felt better—because I wasn’t pushing myself out of guilt.
Reframing the ‘Shoulds’
So what if, instead of blindly accepting these pressures, I reframed them?
• Instead of “I should work out more,” try “I want to move my body in a way that feels good for me.”
• Instead of “I should be over this by now,” try “Healing takes time, and I’m allowed to go at my own pace.”
• Instead of “I should always say yes to helping,” try “I can choose when and how I show up for others - without guilt.”
And if a should still feels really strong once I've stated it in a more positive way, I ask: Do I actually want to do this, or do I just feel like I have to for some irrational reason? If the answer is “I don’t actually care about this”—I give myself permission to let it go.
What If We Stopped “Shoulding” Our Way Through Wellness?
This whole should thing sneaks into how we take care of ourselves, too. I’ve caught myself thinking I should eat better, I should be exercising more, I should push through this headache instead of slowing down. Sound familiar?
But here’s the thing—when I stop and ask says who? I realize a lot of these expectations aren’t actually coming from me. They’re coming from diet culture, social media, old habits, or some vague idea of what I think I’m supposed to be doing. And honestly? That kind of pressure makes wellness feel like a chore instead of something that actually supports me.
So, I’ve been flipping the script:
• Instead of I should work out every day, I ask, What kind of movement feels good today? Some days it’s a walk outside, some days it’s stretching with my favorite grounding oils in the diffuser, and some days it’s just… nothing. And that’s okay.
• Instead of I should be eating ‘clean’ all the time, I remind myself, I feel best when I fuel my body with real food—but I also don’t need to stress over every bite.
• Instead of I should push through this headache or fatigue, I check in: Am I dehydrated? Would peppermint oil help? Do I need rest instead of caffeine?
Reframing my shoulds has made a huge difference in how I approach my health. Instead of guilt and pressure, I’m learning to listen to what my body actually needs. And shocker—it turns out, that’s way more sustainable than forcing myself to follow someone else’s rules... or my assumptions about what those rules are.
Breaking Free from the ‘Should’ Spiral
Giving ourselves permission to let go of unrealistic expectations isn’t easy—especially if we’ve been running on “shoulds” for years. But here’s what I’ve been trying lately:
✔ Pausing to ask ‘Says who?’ – When a should pops up, I challenge it. Who says I have to do this? And do I even want to?
✔ Tuning into what actually matters. Not everything is urgent. Not everything is important. Some things just aren’t worth stressing over.
✔ Letting ‘good enough’ be enough. I don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be perfect. And honestly? Most people aren’t keeping score the way we think they are.
The Takeaway?
Most of the time, the pressure we put on ourselves is just that—pressure we put on ourselves. And while there are things we need to do in life, there’s a big difference between what’s actually necessary and what we’ve just assumed we have to do.
So the next time your brain throws a should at you, take a step back and ask:
Says who?
And if the answer isn’t convincing? Maybe—just maybe—you don’t actually have to do it.
Now, tell me: what’s one should you’ve been holding onto that might not even be yours? Let’s talk about it.
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