Do you think that doing nothing is a waste of time? Like, if you have a free moment, do you feel like you should be doing something productive—cleaning up the house, answering emails, planning for the next day, something? I've been getting that same nagging feeling a lot lately. So I’ve been wondering… when did we all get so bad at just being?
I decided to read up on this.
It turns out, “doing nothing” isn’t actually nothing—it’s rest, recovery, and giving our brains a break from the constant go-go-go. But the second I try doing nothing, my mind jumps in with a to-do list, a forgotten task, or an urge to check my phone “real quick” (which we all know is never actually quick).
So now I’ve been experimenting with real downtime. No multitasking. No sneaky productivity. Just existing. And let me tell you, it’s harder than it looks—but also, kind of life-changing.
Why Is Doing Nothing So Hard?
As I began thinking about writing this blog, I decided to do a bit of an experiment and sit on my sofa with a cup of tea and just… exist. No scrolling, no reading, no checking the time. Just me, my tea, and my pups at my feet. Sounds peaceful, right?
Well... it took about 30 seconds before my brain started running on overdrive. Did I pay that bill? I should text so-and-so back. Maybe I should just check my email real quick. I resisted the urge, but it was a battle. Five minutes in, I was drumming my fingers on my mug. Ten minutes in, I had to physically stop myself from picking up my phone. Would playing Candy Crush really count as doing something? Yes, AJ. Yes it would.
Why is it so hard to sit still? Turns out, there are a few reasons:
• We’ve been conditioned to equate busyness with worth. If we’re not doing something, we feel lazy or unproductive. It's really easy beat yourself up over this - believe me. And that's just wrong.
• Technology makes sure we’re never truly idle. Even waiting in line at the store, we reach for our phones. Can you sit in a waiting room without being on yours? It's HARD!
• We’re afraid of boredom. What if nothing “exciting” happens? Why does this matter to us? And why does a playing a silly game on our phones feel like the right answer?
• We don’t want to sit with our own thoughts for too long. Silence can be uncomfortable when we’re used to constant noise. Plus, sometimes it's not fun to sit with our thoughts... especially when they are colored by grief or some other not fun feeling. Facing those feelings is uncomfortable, so we distract ourselves to avoid them. (I'm so guilty of this lately - there has to be a good balance somewhere there.)
• There’s always something we “should” be doing. The to-do list never really ends, does it? And the guilt of not getting at it is real. The rational side of me says it's okay to let that list slide a bit, then my brain comes up with all of these reasons why I should tackle my list immediately - and that less rational side of my brain gets LOUD. (There's some saying about not "shoulding" on ourselves... I might look that up next...)
But here’s the thing: our brains need rest. Science backs this up—downtime improves creativity, problem-solving, and emotional regulation. Even Albert Einstein was known to take long, aimless walks to let his thoughts wander.
How I’m Learning to Do Nothing (Without Feeling Guilty)
I won’t lie—this is a work in progress. But here’s what’s been helping:
• Reframing it as rest, not laziness. Our bodies and brains need downtime to function well, especially following trauma or grief. Doing nothing is actually doing something—it’s recharging. Retraining my brain to think in this way has been a hurdle for me, but I know it's a good thing.
• Starting small. I tried five minutes of staring out the window without checking my phone. It felt very unnatural at first, but got a little easier over time.
• Letting my mind wander. No agenda, no forcing deep thoughts. Just seeing where my brain goes when I give it space.
• Using a timer. If I set a 10-minute “do nothing” timer, I trick my brain into accepting it as a task. (Yes, I gamified relaxation. Don’t judge me.)
• Finding a ‘nothing’ activity. Sitting still is tough, so I’ve been trying low-effort activities like cloud-watching, sipping tea, or listening to nature sounds—things that don’t require my brain to be “on.”
• Noticing the discomfort. Yes, it feels weird at first. That’s okay. The more I practice, the easier it gets and I'm learning that I don't need to constantly distract myself away from uncomfortable thoughts by being busy.
The Takeaway?
Doing nothing isn’t lazy. It’s necessary. It’s a reset button. And in a world that glorifies being busy, choosing to pause might just be the most rebellious act of self-care.
So, I’m challenging you—when’s the last time you truly did nothing? No phone, no distractions, no agenda? If it’s been a while, give it a try. And if you struggle with it (like I do), tell me about it... and if you're one of my essential oil using friends: tell me which oils you choose, do you diffuse or apply topically, and what works for you? (I feel like part of the answer, for me, lies in making better use of my oils.)
Together, let’s normalize the art of simply being.
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